ok i know i've already blogged once today, and i dont really know (or care about) proper blog ettiquette, but i have something on my mind so im going to write about it!
tonight i was unloading on a dear friend of mine and listening to the beatles (and staring at them because currently they are on 3 of my four walls downstairs) and thinking about lots of things. it is easy when change comes to start doubting yourself, god, others...doubt is always easier than trust. wonder why that is? people keep telling me that im "so brave" to do this and maybe thats true. maybe the truth is that im out of my mind...i cant quite be sure yet. what kind of crazy person decides to leave a perfectly good life in a perfectly good place full of perfectly good people to pack it all up and move halfway across the world to do something they've never done before and furthermore dont know how to do in a place where they know no one and cant speak the language? how demented does this sort of person have to be? what kind of penchant for torture must they have?
they play the most random american movies on tv here. today i happened across hope floats. as i was watching and kind of wishing i was back home in the south where i can "speak the language," i was reminded of one of my favorite quotations:
"beginnings are scary and endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. just give hope a chance to float up and it will..."
yes. im terrified right now. im sad about the ending of my wonderful life in the states. but! i am so excited about this new adventure. its a new chapter in my life...a bit of a dream come true. im still not sure what the reason is im here yet, but as i was reminded of today by someone very wise: do i really need to know? im here! this is the next year of my life. even though right now it is strange and foreign and unfamiliar...it is. every beginning of my life has scared the pants off me. i threw up on the first day of kindergarten and had to go home, i cried my eyes out before i started middle school, i almost quit college at the beginning, i hated england for the first bit...but those were the endings that ended up being the saddest. this experience isnt going to be any different, im sure. change has always been hard for me and i dont fall in love with things easily.
so i said all that to say this: i am crazy and out of my mind, no question, but thats part of what makes me love my life so much. this is going to be a wild and crazy ride, but it is indeed what i signed up for. =) im so thankful for all the amazing people who are still on the other side, though. im looking forward to seeing what my reason is here...im looking forward to the hope floating up.
well, it wont be too long before you meet someone from cleveland county that lives in taiwan... because you know cleve co follows you everywhere :) seriously though, i think you have the right outlook on tihings, and when you get down, just keep telling yourself that you are where you are for a reason, and before you know it a year will have flown by. and im only a skype call away of you miss some southern slang!
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