it's been two weeks since i have posted anything. in those last 2 weeks, i have gotten so much bad news from home that honestly, i haven't wanted to write anything or speak to anyone or see anything or listen to any chinese or english or actually get out of my bed and turn on the lights.

my dad is doing fine now, thankfully. thanks everyone for being there for me so much during that, and for all your prayers. my blood family will be fine.

my i-family, however...not so much. i know the community of the i-house is impossible to explain to people who never took part in it or lived there, so i won't attempt. those people were the next thing to my real family that i have ever had, and even those i wasn't so close to still felt like family and i still loved them very much. its hard when tragedy hits your family, and its hard to deal with death at any age for anyone. one never expects someone kind and beautiful or wild and full of life to pass away so young...or at all, really. i often wish i was home in the i-house, but now, more than ever, i wish to god that i was in greensboro, in the lobby of the i-house, hugging my friends and praying for everything to turn out alright. even though we aren't physically together, it is such a comfort to know that there are so many people all over the world who are praying for everyone and their families, and that we don't have to be in the same room (or even on the same continent) to be together. thank god for the i-house. we are so lucky to have each other, and to help each other be strong and get through something like this. though no one's life can ever be the same now, we were all lucky enough to get to experience it for a little while.

life is constantly hanging in a balance, and it is indeed scary to think that it can be taken from us so quickly, without warning, unfairly, and quite by accident. but this uncertainty has always been one of the biggest motivators for me personally to live; i'm sure they felt the same. if i can be comforted by anything, its knowing that the best of friends were together, in their home country, on a little holiday. there is never anything fair about death...not why it happens or how it happens or who it happens with...and there is nothing that can ever make it easier to deal with. but, in memory, they will always be young and happy. i am still struggling to understand this, or to justify it. i know that is impossible and we aren't meant to know some things, but that has been one of the hardest parts. it's also hard to deal with a tragedy hitting a family that is scattered to the four corners of the world. but, the world seems a little smaller now, knowing that we are all together in this.

rip celina and rodrigo- many people love you and many people will always miss you. you will always be young, happy, and beautiful in everyone's hearts forever.