sometimes in taiwan i feel as though i am stuck in permanent christmas, which is bizarre for a number of reasons. number one, today it was about 203948230498 degrees but for whatever reason, my kids came busting in the door shouting "merry christmas teacher!" and singing "deck the halls." then after school was over i went to a tea shop to get something to drink because it was so hot and they were playing "santa claus is coming to town." and as if that wasn't enough random christmas, i went to get a haircut after work and what kind of music do you think was playing? yes. christmas music.

when i first went to this hair shop last summer, i had two phrases i could choose from to say to the lady working: either "hello, i am lost" or "i am going to rip you into two pieces" (some of my chinese friends in university taught me this phrase, i didn't learn it specifically to come to taiwan, ha). needless to say, that first visit to the shop was...awkward and unproductive. this time however, i waltzed right in and told her how i wanted it cut, and even had a conversation with her while she was cutting my hair. today for the first time i really realized how long i have been here and how much i have changed in that time. even though i was proud to have been able to do it, there were still about 203948 times i had to stop and say "what is ____" or "how do you say ____ in chinese?"

cultural differences are even more bothersome and hard to deal with than language differences, though. i am constantly reminded when i am out with a group of all taiwanese or people that grew up in taiwan that no matter how good my chinese gets or how much i (try to) dress, eat, walk, talk and carry myself like a taiwanese, i will always be american. extremely american. this weekend i was out with a group of taiwanese in ktv (karaoke). everyone was speaking chinese so quickly that i couldn't catch but maybe 30% of what was being said and by the time i could form a response in my head they had already moved to a new topic. all the songs were chinese songs and, while i knew most of them, i am a horrible singer and hate singing in front of people (especially in a second language). i still can't really understand taiwanese humor well enough yet to really know when to laugh or not laugh at a joke, and i cringe everytime a group of people is like "do you know ___ movie star/singer/song/tv show/movie?" and i have no idea what they are talking about. its strange, because sometimes my friends will say to me "wow! you are so taiwanese!" if i do or say a certain thing...but sometimes, like in the ktv, i feel like i have "FOREIGNER" tattooed across my forehead and that i am standing on a stage and the whole universe has a giant spotlight on me with backup dancers and flashing lights with "the star spangled banner" being played by a military band while a huge marquee that says "FOREIGNER" is being waved over me. so basically i just sat there like a very foreign knot on a very foreign log. i really, really, really, really hate this feeling.

its finally summer in taiwan again. let's go to the beach.