across the universe, again

i love the beatles. everyone knows that. 'across the universe' is one of my all time favorite songs that they sing because i love the lyrics so much. they are the title of my blog: 'nothings gonna change my world...nothings gonna change my world.' however, sitting here in my empty apartment on my last night in hsinchu- cable disconnected, refrigerator cleaned out, floor swept and mopped for the first time since 2009, posters off the wall- i realize that those lyrics are a bit of a misnomer.

my world has been completely changed. ripped open, shaken around, painted a different color, turned on its side, and then again just for good measure. its all been for the better, though. taiwan has taught me so many things. i often found it funny that i came to taiwan to be a teacher, when really, i was usually the student. apart from the things that i did "learn," such as how to speak chinese to teach children who weren't in high school, i learned how to be an adult: to pay bills (on time!), to fix my own plumbing to save money (i will likely never stop being so proud of that and mentioning it every chance i get), to cook my own dinner every night, to wake my own self up and go to work every morning, that my paycheck wasn't limitless, and credit cards are real money too...i learned how to ride the train to the right station, to stand up for what was right, i learned how to be alone and be ok with it, i learned how to operate and function outside of myself in another culture. i learned who i really am, and how to trust myself, to depend on myself. i learned to hold on. i learned to let go.

i am so thankful for every single second i spent on this island. all the friends i made, the nights that ended up being mornings, the experiences i had, the havoc i wreaked, the MASSIVE (at times too massive) amounts of fun i had, the...'exotic' food i ate, my job, the places i travelled, the things i saw...even though every single second wasn't exactly thrilling, i am even thankful for the bad times. i am completely the same girl who blindly decided to come to a country she knew nothing about and teach, still the same crazy girl...but i am also completely different. even though i am slightly afraid that all the adventure will be gone out of my life when i get home, if i have learned anything AT ALL from this past year, its that anything at all...anything...is what you make it. i am most thankful for finally having learned this fact.

now that its time to head back across the universe, i can say that i'm ready, but only in the sense that i guess i will never be ready. goodbyes, no matter how many times you have to say them, never get easier for me. in fact, they seem to get harder and harder the more i have to say them. i was once told that the hardest beginnings come with the hardest endings. for me, i think this is true. the words for goodbye in chinese, 再見, literally translate to "see again." so taiwan, i'd rather say it to you in chinese (only feels right in chinese anyway)...

so... 台灣,再見!